I once was lost but now am found;
or so I thought, was that you God?
Perhaps, I'm better lost than found;
From where I am, I just can't see God;
But at least I know now, God I've not found.
You can't say I did not try;
I pray, speak tongues; Heck! even cry.
The deeper I get, the further from the truth, I feel.
When I look around, I'd say to myself, "this can't be real!"
Unless I choose to contradict the world, people and my self;
See only what I want to see;
Hear only what I want to hear;
I feel my life becom'n more and more unreal.
Like a sad loser that that just wouldn't quit.
Indeed I'm lost but happily lost.
Better to know I'm lost than pretend to have found.
It is not ideal but at least I am real.
Is there a God? I don't know.
I may be lost but I didn't lose my self.
I, once was lost but now am found!
Wednesday, September 07, 2005
Thursday, August 11, 2005
Happy Birthday! Paul
The Athlete [March 2005]
Even before you were born, you've always been quite an "attention-seeker". Whilst in the womb, you had hydrocephalus. Less than a month after birth you had pneumonia. At a year-plus, you suffered intussusception that would relapsed about a year later. You've also had your appendix removed. But you've always been a brave lad!
You are beyond doubt a talented young man. There is a special warmth about you that I love. You're sensitive, perceptive and kind.
More to come....(sorry, been busy with work!)
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Domestic Helpers
Ever so often I get very angry, embarrass and uncomfortable with the way Singaporeans (including even some of my friends or relatives) treat their domestic helpers.
These past few nights, I've been attending my uncle's wake. Most of my immediate maternal relatives whom I'm closer with would be present. One of their domestic helper has been asked to be around to help. She is very helpful, pleasant, and make herself very useful indeed. Of course, some of my relatives have gotten her to help do some errands for them too. But most of them hardly ever say, "Please" or "Thank you". They just simply call her by her nickname or "shorter" name followed by their specific instruction (to put it mildly) for her.
I just can't understand this?!! These relatives of mine are some of the kindest and dearest people to me. They would bent over backwards for me, and have done so. Yet, whenever they are communicating with the domestic helper, all humane respect and kindness seem to disappear into the thin air! As my daughter would often say, "Aaaarghhh!!".
Domestic helpers are human beings. They've got feelings. They got brains - maybe not as "clever" as we think they should be but they are certainly not stupid. In fact, if given a chance to prove, many may be cleverer than us. I'm sure, if they had a choice, they would rather not work as domestic helpers for us ungrateful arrogant eccentric inconsistent children-of-immigrants. We sometimes forget that we could easily be in the same plight as they are.
In fact, it was not too long ago that some of our parents/aunts/ relatives were working as "amahs" for the many British/European expatriates in Singapore. My late godma certainly was one. I'm quite certain her employer didn't treat her with such disrespect. So why are we like that? Have we become too affluent to appreciate what it means to be poor and helpless - a sad victim of their own country's poor and corrupt mis-management? Many of these people painfully leave family, children, philandering and scum of the earth fathers/husbands to eke out a miserable living that guarantees no salary for the first six months of their employment here despite working 12-16 hour days and no off-days. Thanks to another bunch of scum of the earth agents at home and here. They do not deserve such a shit life any more than we do! Have a heart please.
Fermina, 16 years old, domestic helper in Malaysia
Sure there are the usual black sheep. But they are mostly defenseless "aliens" here. Many of them have no one to turn to. You could chop her up, cook her with curry, even worse, rape her, abuse her, wrongfully confined her, sell her....no one will probably know. How much would it cost us to just treat them like a decent human being? Have a heart please.
But the irony of it all is I think they will one day have the last laugh. I believe our ability to contradict ourselves in how we treat another fellow human being whilst preaching and demanding for our own perceived "basic" and "human" rights will backfire on us some day soon. Our ability to lie to ourselves will continue to numb our ability to check our own weakness and value. We become people who are completely blind to our own inconsistencies. There is one group of observers we are not likely to fool though. Our children. Some of them, hopefully, will grow up to question our actions and behaviour. Unfortunately, many of them will grow to be like us. They will ape the way we treat another human being, and when we grow old, they'll probably treat us the only way the know how - they way we unwittingly "taught" them by our negative example. Mark my words!
These past few nights, I've been attending my uncle's wake. Most of my immediate maternal relatives whom I'm closer with would be present. One of their domestic helper has been asked to be around to help. She is very helpful, pleasant, and make herself very useful indeed. Of course, some of my relatives have gotten her to help do some errands for them too. But most of them hardly ever say, "Please" or "Thank you". They just simply call her by her nickname or "shorter" name followed by their specific instruction (to put it mildly) for her.
I just can't understand this?!! These relatives of mine are some of the kindest and dearest people to me. They would bent over backwards for me, and have done so. Yet, whenever they are communicating with the domestic helper, all humane respect and kindness seem to disappear into the thin air! As my daughter would often say, "Aaaarghhh!!".
Domestic helpers are human beings. They've got feelings. They got brains - maybe not as "clever" as we think they should be but they are certainly not stupid. In fact, if given a chance to prove, many may be cleverer than us. I'm sure, if they had a choice, they would rather not work as domestic helpers for us ungrateful arrogant eccentric inconsistent children-of-immigrants. We sometimes forget that we could easily be in the same plight as they are.
In fact, it was not too long ago that some of our parents/aunts/ relatives were working as "amahs" for the many British/European expatriates in Singapore. My late godma certainly was one. I'm quite certain her employer didn't treat her with such disrespect. So why are we like that? Have we become too affluent to appreciate what it means to be poor and helpless - a sad victim of their own country's poor and corrupt mis-management? Many of these people painfully leave family, children, philandering and scum of the earth fathers/husbands to eke out a miserable living that guarantees no salary for the first six months of their employment here despite working 12-16 hour days and no off-days. Thanks to another bunch of scum of the earth agents at home and here. They do not deserve such a shit life any more than we do! Have a heart please.
Fermina, 16 years old, domestic helper in Malaysia
Sure there are the usual black sheep. But they are mostly defenseless "aliens" here. Many of them have no one to turn to. You could chop her up, cook her with curry, even worse, rape her, abuse her, wrongfully confined her, sell her....no one will probably know. How much would it cost us to just treat them like a decent human being? Have a heart please.
But the irony of it all is I think they will one day have the last laugh. I believe our ability to contradict ourselves in how we treat another fellow human being whilst preaching and demanding for our own perceived "basic" and "human" rights will backfire on us some day soon. Our ability to lie to ourselves will continue to numb our ability to check our own weakness and value. We become people who are completely blind to our own inconsistencies. There is one group of observers we are not likely to fool though. Our children. Some of them, hopefully, will grow up to question our actions and behaviour. Unfortunately, many of them will grow to be like us. They will ape the way we treat another human being, and when we grow old, they'll probably treat us the only way the know how - they way we unwittingly "taught" them by our negative example. Mark my words!
Sunday, June 12, 2005
Where's God?
Warning!!: Before proceeding, please read my entries on 1st & 2nd January 2005 and Personal Disclaimer.
I was still doing my theological studies then and was living on a shoe-string budget (if any). Hence, I tried to be as thrifty as I could. It was one of those occasion when my parents were staying over at my Yishun apartment (where I used to live) for a while. I was to accompany my mother to the National University Hospital (NUH) for her medical appointment. She had just suffered a stroke which affected her left limbs. She could walk by herself but not very steady. I can't even remember if she had started using a walking stick then.
Taking a taxi would have been the most convenient way to get to the NUH. But to save some money, I decided that we would take a taxi to the nearest MRT station (then it was only available from Yio Chu Kang Station) and use the train. Unfortunately, just as we were about to get out of the taxi, my mum fell and fractured her wrist!
You can't imagine how I felt. I've never forgiven myself. My mum was never angry with me but I was. Needless to say, I was subsequently angry with God too. Did he not promised in Psalm 121:
This was to mark the beginning of the end for mum that stretch 12 painful years. Where's God? Was it wrong or naive of me to expect a miracle from Yahweh?
I know there are others worse off. But should I take comfort at the expense of other's more grave miseries? Where's God for these people anyway?
I was still doing my theological studies then and was living on a shoe-string budget (if any). Hence, I tried to be as thrifty as I could. It was one of those occasion when my parents were staying over at my Yishun apartment (where I used to live) for a while. I was to accompany my mother to the National University Hospital (NUH) for her medical appointment. She had just suffered a stroke which affected her left limbs. She could walk by herself but not very steady. I can't even remember if she had started using a walking stick then.
Taking a taxi would have been the most convenient way to get to the NUH. But to save some money, I decided that we would take a taxi to the nearest MRT station (then it was only available from Yio Chu Kang Station) and use the train. Unfortunately, just as we were about to get out of the taxi, my mum fell and fractured her wrist!
You can't imagine how I felt. I've never forgiven myself. My mum was never angry with me but I was. Needless to say, I was subsequently angry with God too. Did he not promised in Psalm 121:
He will not let your foot slip - he who watches over you will not
slumber.... The Lord watches over you - the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm your by day, nor by the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm - he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.
This was to mark the beginning of the end for mum that stretch 12 painful years. Where's God? Was it wrong or naive of me to expect a miracle from Yahweh?
I know there are others worse off. But should I take comfort at the expense of other's more grave miseries? Where's God for these people anyway?
Friday, June 10, 2005
The Problem of Evil - A Theological Pain
Warning!!: Before proceeding, please read my entries on 1st & 2nd January 2005 and Personal Disclaimer.
As a Christian, one believes that God is in control of all that occurs. He has a plan for the entire universe and all of time, and is at work bringing about that good plan. But a shadow falls across the comforting doctrine: the problem of evil.
Read this excerpt from Millard J Erickson's Christian Theology - Evil and God's World: A Special Problem. Chap 19, pp 411ff. (Baker) which helps to describe the nature of of the problem of evil:
The problem may be stated in a simple or a more complex fashion. David Hume (Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion) put it succinctly when he wrote of God: "Is he willing to prevent evil, but not able? then is he impotent. Is he able, but not willing? then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing: whence then is evil?" The existence of evil can also be seen as presenting a problem for the mealtime prayer that many children have been taught to pray: "God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food." For if God is great, then he is able to prevent evil from occurring. If God is good, he will not wish for evil to occur. But there is rather evident evil about us. The problem of evil then may be thought of as a conflict involving three concepts: God's power; God's goodness, and the presence of evil in the world. Common sense seems to tell us that all three cannot be true.
In varying degrees, the problem is a difficulty for all types of strong theism. Specifically, it is a difficulty for the theology which we have been presenting in this writing. We have discussed the omnipotence of God: his ability to do all things which are proper objects of his power. We have noted that creation and providence are implementations of this omnipotence, meaning respectively that God has by his own free decision and action brought into being everything that is and that he is in control of that creation, maintaining and directing it to the ends he has chosen. Further, we have observed the goodness of God - his attributes of love, mercy, patience. Yet evil is obviously present. How can this be, in light of who and what God is?
The evil that precipitates this dilemma is of two general types. On one hand, there is what is usually called natural evil. This is evil that does not involve human willing and acting, but is merely an aspect of nature which seems to work against man's welfare. There are the destructive forces of nature: hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, volcanic eruptions, and the like. These catastrophic occurrences produce large losses of life as well as property. And much suffering and loss of human lives are caused by diseases such as cancer, cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, and a host of other illness. The other type of evil is termed moral evil. These evils which can be traced to the choice and action of free moral agents. Here we find war, crime, cruelty, class struggles, discrimination, slavery, and injustices too numerable to mention. While moral evils can to some extent be removed from our consideration here by blaming them upon man's exercise of his own fee will, natural evils cannot be dismissed from our consideration. They simply seem to be there in the creation which God has made.
We have noted that the problem of evil arises to varying degrees for different theologies; in addition, it takes differing forms. Indeed, John Feinberg (Theologies and Evil) argues that we are not dealing with a problem, but with a set or series of problems appearing in varying combinations. Moreover, the problem of evil may occur as either a religious or a theological problem or both. In terms of the distinction made in the opening chapter of this book, religion is the level of spiritual practice, experience, and belief. Theology is the secondary level of reflection upon religion, involving analysis, interpretation, and construction. In general, the religious form of the problem of evil occurs when some particular aspect of one's experience has had the effect of calling into question the greatness or goodness of God, and hence threatens the relationship between the believer and God. The theological form of the problem is concerned with evil in general. It is not a question of how a specific concrete situation can exist in light of God's being what and who he is, but how any such problem does not necessarily imply personal experiences, but there will have been a specific situation at least vicariously encountered. The theological form of the problem, however, does not necessarily imply any such specific situation at all. One's focus on the problem may well move from religious to theological as a result of such an occurrence, or concentration on evil in general may devolve from much broader considerations. It is important to note these distinctions. For, as Alvin Plantinga (God, Freedom and Evil) has pointed out, the person for whom some specific evil (this is perhaps more accurate than the problem of evil) is presenting a religious difficulty may need pastoral care rather than help in working out intellectual difficulties. Similarly, to treat one's genuine intellectual struggles as merely a matter of feelings will not be very helpful. Failure to recognize the religious form of the problem of evil will appear insensitive; failure to deal with the theological form will appear intellectually insulting. Particulary where the two are found together, it is important to recognize and distinguish the respective components.
Perhaps another simplistic way of looking at how the problem of evil affects me can be stated in the following way:
As a Christian, one believes that God is in control of all that occurs. He has a plan for the entire universe and all of time, and is at work bringing about that good plan. But a shadow falls across the comforting doctrine: the problem of evil.
Read this excerpt from Millard J Erickson's Christian Theology - Evil and God's World: A Special Problem. Chap 19, pp 411ff. (Baker) which helps to describe the nature of of the problem of evil:
The problem may be stated in a simple or a more complex fashion. David Hume (Dialogues Concerning Natural Religion) put it succinctly when he wrote of God: "Is he willing to prevent evil, but not able? then is he impotent. Is he able, but not willing? then is he malevolent. Is he both able and willing: whence then is evil?" The existence of evil can also be seen as presenting a problem for the mealtime prayer that many children have been taught to pray: "God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food." For if God is great, then he is able to prevent evil from occurring. If God is good, he will not wish for evil to occur. But there is rather evident evil about us. The problem of evil then may be thought of as a conflict involving three concepts: God's power; God's goodness, and the presence of evil in the world. Common sense seems to tell us that all three cannot be true.
In varying degrees, the problem is a difficulty for all types of strong theism. Specifically, it is a difficulty for the theology which we have been presenting in this writing. We have discussed the omnipotence of God: his ability to do all things which are proper objects of his power. We have noted that creation and providence are implementations of this omnipotence, meaning respectively that God has by his own free decision and action brought into being everything that is and that he is in control of that creation, maintaining and directing it to the ends he has chosen. Further, we have observed the goodness of God - his attributes of love, mercy, patience. Yet evil is obviously present. How can this be, in light of who and what God is?
The evil that precipitates this dilemma is of two general types. On one hand, there is what is usually called natural evil. This is evil that does not involve human willing and acting, but is merely an aspect of nature which seems to work against man's welfare. There are the destructive forces of nature: hurricanes, earthquakes, tornadoes, volcanic eruptions, and the like. These catastrophic occurrences produce large losses of life as well as property. And much suffering and loss of human lives are caused by diseases such as cancer, cystic fibrosis, multiple sclerosis, and a host of other illness. The other type of evil is termed moral evil. These evils which can be traced to the choice and action of free moral agents. Here we find war, crime, cruelty, class struggles, discrimination, slavery, and injustices too numerable to mention. While moral evils can to some extent be removed from our consideration here by blaming them upon man's exercise of his own fee will, natural evils cannot be dismissed from our consideration. They simply seem to be there in the creation which God has made.
We have noted that the problem of evil arises to varying degrees for different theologies; in addition, it takes differing forms. Indeed, John Feinberg (Theologies and Evil) argues that we are not dealing with a problem, but with a set or series of problems appearing in varying combinations. Moreover, the problem of evil may occur as either a religious or a theological problem or both. In terms of the distinction made in the opening chapter of this book, religion is the level of spiritual practice, experience, and belief. Theology is the secondary level of reflection upon religion, involving analysis, interpretation, and construction. In general, the religious form of the problem of evil occurs when some particular aspect of one's experience has had the effect of calling into question the greatness or goodness of God, and hence threatens the relationship between the believer and God. The theological form of the problem is concerned with evil in general. It is not a question of how a specific concrete situation can exist in light of God's being what and who he is, but how any such problem does not necessarily imply personal experiences, but there will have been a specific situation at least vicariously encountered. The theological form of the problem, however, does not necessarily imply any such specific situation at all. One's focus on the problem may well move from religious to theological as a result of such an occurrence, or concentration on evil in general may devolve from much broader considerations. It is important to note these distinctions. For, as Alvin Plantinga (God, Freedom and Evil) has pointed out, the person for whom some specific evil (this is perhaps more accurate than the problem of evil) is presenting a religious difficulty may need pastoral care rather than help in working out intellectual difficulties. Similarly, to treat one's genuine intellectual struggles as merely a matter of feelings will not be very helpful. Failure to recognize the religious form of the problem of evil will appear insensitive; failure to deal with the theological form will appear intellectually insulting. Particulary where the two are found together, it is important to recognize and distinguish the respective components.
Perhaps another simplistic way of looking at how the problem of evil affects me can be stated in the following way:
- If God exists, then God is omnipotent, omniscient, and morally perfect.
- If God is omnipotent, then God has the power to eliminate all evil.
- If God is omniscient, then God knows when evil exists.
- If God is morally perfect, then God has the desire to eliminate all evil.
- Evil exists.
- If evil exists and God exists, then either God doesn't have the power to eliminate all evil, or doesn't know when evil exists, or doesn't have the desire to eliminate all evil.
- Therefore, God doesn't exist.
For some more additional reading, click here
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
A Sad Day
Rosy Tan 1934-2002. Wife, Mother & Grandmother par excellence!
Exactly three years ago to this day, my mother died after a painfully long spell of illness (12 years) that saw her deteriorate from an abled-bodied, proud, merticulous, first-class home-maker, enterprising person to an almost blind, bed-ridden, insulin dependent, dialysis dependent, had to be fed through a nasogastric tube and a catheter sticking out of her stomach. She had a stroke, followed by a heart attack that required a quadruple coronary artery bypass surgery, diabetic retinopathy, and a transtibial amputation of her left leg. So for her sake**, I was glad her misery finally ended. I really wished we had other options. Unfortunately, death appear to be the only panacea available to her.
You see, I have this "secret wish/dream" that I always haboured. Things I wanted to do with my parents - especially my mum. I rarely ever have a wishlist when I pray to God. This is one of those. Never came to pass. Don't get me wrong, when my mum died, I did not have things that I wish I had done. I believe I did the best I could for her. But I just wanted to do a little more. Why not. She gave birth to me, raised me with every cent she could and could not spare. She has never ceased to care for me - not even after I got married and have children of my own. I've always felt she deserved better. Her life on earth was harsh - to say the least.
I think of her often. Even more so now on every 7th day of June and 1st day of October - the anniversary of her death and her birthday. I still get picture flashes of the first time I had to see her fully naked before me. Completely hapless. No, I'm not ashame of seeing her naked. It's the circumstance. Another is the day she took her last breath in the hospital. It was painful to see her live with all the tubes, and missing or non-functioning body parts. So death was really the lesser of two evil. But nothing prepared me to see someone I love take her last breath. Suddenly, life felt so cold, so noir, so meaningless.
Anyway, I do try to move on. She did teach me many invaluable lessons about life. I cherish them. I hope to see and talk to her again. Frankly, I have very little confident I will. My Christian faith is fast diminishing. Much of my Christ-ian hope is turning into despair. Regardless, I miss her. It's funny how I actually have not dreamed of her, not even once, since her death.
**There are some dark days when I wonder if my own tiredness & despair had wished for her death. As a caregiver, I (my other family members too) was physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially drained. On such days, I feel very shameful, am very angry and hate myself. God is not spared either!
Monday, May 30, 2005
Happy Birthday Charissa!
Picture taken at Genting Highlands [2004]
My first-born and only daughter turns 16 today. I remember very vividly two things about her when she was a baby. She had lovely curly hair and always had a smile in her face.
Her name Charissa is a latinised version of the Greek word "charis" meaning "grace or gift of God". Indeed she is. As a baby, she was very easy to look after. I remember rushing home everyday wanting to play, cuddle and talk to her. I used to spend a lot of time with her. I miss being able to cuddle you. I miss being able to talk to you more freely. Sometimes I feel like I no longer understand you, and this makes me extremely sad.
I enjoy watching you excel in sports. I'm very happy that you love music although we obviously prefer rather different genre. I'm very proud of your many talents. I do know you do put a considerable effort in your studies. If I'm hard on you it's because I think what's require of you to excel in your studies is going to be just as difficult. And I genuinely believe you got what it takes to achieve your goals but they are not going to be without some "pain".
I hope you'll be able to achieve your dreams - school-wise, career-wise and life-wise. I hope you'll grow up to be as wonderful a woman as your mummy - beautiful both in character and physically, self-less, strong and wise.
I love you very much - more than I get to express these days! Happy birthday to my only princess!
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Lessons from Life 2
"Let him who cannot be alone beware of community.... Let him who is not in community beware of being alone....Each by itself has profound pitfalls and perils. One who wants fellowship without solitude plunges into the void of words and feelings, and one who seeks solitude without fellowship perishes in the abyss of vanity, self-infactuation, and despair." Dietrich Bonhoefffer, Life Together
Paradoxes of Life
- It is possible to experience freedom in bondage.
- There is death even amongst the living.
- One can be alone in a crowd.
- The more we learn, the less we know.
- Our strength is often also our weakness.
The World Needs People...
who cannot be bought;
whose word is their bond;
who put character above wealth;
who possess opinions and a will;
who are larger than their vocations;
who do not hesitate to take chances;
who will not lose their individuality in a crowd;
who will be as honest in small things as in great things;
who will make no compromise with wrong;
whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires;
who will not say they do it "because everybody else does it";
who are true to their friends through good report and evil report, in adversity as well as in prosperity;
who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning and hard-headedness are the best qualities for winning success;
who are not ashamed or afraid to stand for the truth when it is unpopular,
who can say "NO" with emphasis, although all the rest of the world says, "Yes".
whose word is their bond;
who put character above wealth;
who possess opinions and a will;
who are larger than their vocations;
who do not hesitate to take chances;
who will not lose their individuality in a crowd;
who will be as honest in small things as in great things;
who will make no compromise with wrong;
whose ambitions are not confined to their own selfish desires;
who will not say they do it "because everybody else does it";
who are true to their friends through good report and evil report, in adversity as well as in prosperity;
who do not believe that shrewdness, cunning and hard-headedness are the best qualities for winning success;
who are not ashamed or afraid to stand for the truth when it is unpopular,
who can say "NO" with emphasis, although all the rest of the world says, "Yes".
Lessons from Life
- Life is not fair.
- Live & act according to your beliefs rather than what's popular.
- Honesty does not always pay.
- It is in my nature to sin - admit it!
- "I can change no one;
Only I can change;
Maybe when I change, others will change too." Cecil Osbourne - Experience learns from personal calamities. Wisdom learns from the calamities of others.
- "Everything is flux." Heraclitus
Sunday, May 08, 2005
Tribute to Mothers
Today I pay tribute to one of the greatest people on earth - mothers!
One of the toughest, thankless, 24/7, least respected, under-valued, overlooked vocation on earth. Sadly, many of our modern (working) women are just as guilty of perpectuating this misconception.
A mother is a child-bearer, breast-feeder, parent, mentor, counsellor, teacher, tuitor, domestic cleaner, seamstress, chef, babysitter, play-mate to children, chauffeur, human alarm-clock, homemaker, nurse, etc....all in one. And these are over and above her role as wife, and in many cases these days, career woman.
I think it is a crime to remember one's mother only on Mother's Day. I think is a bloody shame that there are women (and men - understandably stupid) who think and perpectuate the idea that being a full-time-stay-at-home mother prevents a women from realising her "full" potential. I think is sad and deceitful, if not catatrosphic, that governments all over the world entice mothers with rewards to return to the workforce. No domestic helper, no first-class nursery or child-care centre, not even the most caring grandparent can possibly replace a mother.
I genuinely and sincerely respect and envy mothers. Mothers are one of my heroes. Nobody exemplify respect and selfless love for another human being like a mother does. I've heard and witness many amazing fathers who are sacrificial and selfless but mothers outnumber them hands down. I know of mothers who have to resort to doing some of the most shameful things to themselves for the sake of their children. No amount of campaigns or social programmes can influence the adults of tomorrow like a mother (and father too) can.
I beseech all women to carefully consider the challenge of being a fulltime-stay-at-home mother. I do realise that it is becoming increasingly difficult to be one. But do not let the opportunity to realise indeed your true and full potential as a human being pass without serious deliberation and attempt. I respect some are just not able to for valid reasons.
I am truly privileged to have met and known many such mothers. Not least, my late mother (who taught me how to be a man) and my wife (who inspires me to be a husband and father). If heaven should ever have place for only one kind of people, let them be mothers.
One of the toughest, thankless, 24/7, least respected, under-valued, overlooked vocation on earth. Sadly, many of our modern (working) women are just as guilty of perpectuating this misconception.
A mother is a child-bearer, breast-feeder, parent, mentor, counsellor, teacher, tuitor, domestic cleaner, seamstress, chef, babysitter, play-mate to children, chauffeur, human alarm-clock, homemaker, nurse, etc....all in one. And these are over and above her role as wife, and in many cases these days, career woman.
I think it is a crime to remember one's mother only on Mother's Day. I think is a bloody shame that there are women (and men - understandably stupid) who think and perpectuate the idea that being a full-time-stay-at-home mother prevents a women from realising her "full" potential. I think is sad and deceitful, if not catatrosphic, that governments all over the world entice mothers with rewards to return to the workforce. No domestic helper, no first-class nursery or child-care centre, not even the most caring grandparent can possibly replace a mother.
I genuinely and sincerely respect and envy mothers. Mothers are one of my heroes. Nobody exemplify respect and selfless love for another human being like a mother does. I've heard and witness many amazing fathers who are sacrificial and selfless but mothers outnumber them hands down. I know of mothers who have to resort to doing some of the most shameful things to themselves for the sake of their children. No amount of campaigns or social programmes can influence the adults of tomorrow like a mother (and father too) can.
I beseech all women to carefully consider the challenge of being a fulltime-stay-at-home mother. I do realise that it is becoming increasingly difficult to be one. But do not let the opportunity to realise indeed your true and full potential as a human being pass without serious deliberation and attempt. I respect some are just not able to for valid reasons.
I am truly privileged to have met and known many such mothers. Not least, my late mother (who taught me how to be a man) and my wife (who inspires me to be a husband and father). If heaven should ever have place for only one kind of people, let them be mothers.
True Sportmanship has died!
"Today, one must think like a hero to behave like a merely decent human being." John Le Carre - The Russia House
Look at sports today. Football for example, when was the last time we saw a footballer voluntarily admitted that his/her hand touched the ball (even if the referee failed to see it) or that he/she was responsible for kicking the ball across the touchline? What kind of sports-personalities attract the attention of the tabloids today? The typical sports-person that is lauded in the tabloid today, albeit talented, is most probably foul-mouthed, unkempt, promiscuous, vain, arrogant, proud that he/she is honest about the fact that he/she has at one time in the past committed felony or consumed drugs. Where have all the decent sportsmen & sportswomen gone? Where are the "heroes"?
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting therefore that we go around passing judgement or publicly shaming such characters. But can we not NOT offer them unnecessary additional publicity than they already have. Let's not encourage hooliganism. Let's bring back decency.
Look at sports today. Football for example, when was the last time we saw a footballer voluntarily admitted that his/her hand touched the ball (even if the referee failed to see it) or that he/she was responsible for kicking the ball across the touchline? What kind of sports-personalities attract the attention of the tabloids today? The typical sports-person that is lauded in the tabloid today, albeit talented, is most probably foul-mouthed, unkempt, promiscuous, vain, arrogant, proud that he/she is honest about the fact that he/she has at one time in the past committed felony or consumed drugs. Where have all the decent sportsmen & sportswomen gone? Where are the "heroes"?
Please don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting therefore that we go around passing judgement or publicly shaming such characters. But can we not NOT offer them unnecessary additional publicity than they already have. Let's not encourage hooliganism. Let's bring back decency.
Wednesday, April 27, 2005
My 20th Wedding Anniversary
Whyteleafe, Surrey, UK [Winter 2002]
Today I remember a special day, my 20th Wedding Anniverary! The day I made my matrimonial vows to one sweet young Josephine Teo at the Church of the Good Shepherd, Singapore.
Yes. Exactly 7,300 days (& almost as many quality evening "rendezvous" - believe you me!), 2 houses, 3 Ong-lets, 2 second-hand cars, countless of Scrabble games, quarrels, hard times, even harder times, etc....we're still together.
Words cannot describe how much I love her (what a sad excuse). She is self-less, supportive, mother & wife par excellence, a quiet, steady & faithful partner who sincerely deserves better. We don't normally celebrate our anniversary but I believe in a supra-physical way we are able to communicate our love & commitment.
I love you. You are the best person for me (more than I could possibly know). You're indeed my soul-mate and co-labourer in my journey on earth. I can't wait to see what the next 20 years would bring us. For your sake, I hope better days. You deserve it!
I love you!
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
Happy Birthday Saul!
Picture of the Gentle-Giant [August 2004]
Today is our 3rd & youngest child's birthday, Saul Joseph Ong. I remember very vividly this day in 1993 at 6.53pm. He was an 8 pounder - plus 11 oz to be precise.
We had very wonderful and positive experiences with our first two children (Charissa & Paul) and so thought it would make good company for our children and ourselves if we had an additional child. And so we asked God for another child. Hence, his firstname, Saul, which means "ask for" in Hebrew.
I love his sense of humour, his interesting choices of music, his love for football & rugby. He's probably the healthiest (though not the fittest) among the kids. He's still young & have lots to learn and experience. He's a gentle giant.
My dear Saul, I wish you success in all your endeavours. I hope you'll mature into a strong, courageous, gentle, sensitive and confident man. I love you very much. Happy Birthday!
Sunday, January 02, 2005
My Spiritual History
Since birth, I was raised by Christian parents. Then, they were attending a Brethren church. They subsequently left the church and became members of a Roman Catholic (RC) church! - yes I know, how unusual.
As a young child, I used to go regularly to a peranakan service with my Godma (my Dad's elder sister who kinda adopted me). But when my parents decided to become RCs, I joined them too. I was enthusiastic. I attended a special and private catechism class under a very fatherly, warm, pious dutch priest. Eventually, I became baptised and confirmed. I was about 11-12 years old. I did enjoy a very special and at that moment a very real spiritual experience. I found tremendous solace in God. I even starting going to Church on my own - if my parents weren't going. Then, I decided it was time to start learning to contribute and be more involved in church community. Since I love music, I decided I would join a church "choir". There were several in the church. The one I joined was more a singing group than a choir - many of us do not have any music training (theory or otherwise), but they - and so was I ;) - were a very talented bunch nevertheless, young, energetic, rather jazzy. I learned many things from them. I learned how to sing, play the guitar, how to smoke, drink, BGR, party, dance, perform in public, learn what grown-ups do (I was the "baby" of the group amongst the mostly young working members), and other very useful life lessons including RC religiousity or piety. I didn't really learn much more about God but they were fun time.
Towards the middle of my teenage years, I started becoming dissatisfied with my "shallow" spiritual life and state. Going to church was becoming a mundane exercise. I love collecting bibles of all shapes, sizes and versions but I didn't read them. I knew a lot about God, church and all but I didn't know God. Hence, I decided I would give myself a last go at re-discovering God. I wanted to understand and experience true spirituality, not piety. I wanted to be a Christian, not religious person. I wanted to know my creator, not a religion. If I should find out that there is no such being as a God, I would be happy to be an atheist. I didn't I needed any pyschological blanket.
After some soul searching period which included brief (and superficial) attempts at considering other religious beliefs, I decided that Christianity was the most consistent, more "timeless" and least "form-focused". Hence, I embarked on a quest to read, learn and understand the Bible - the Word of God. After about a year and a half of reading, learning, asking questions, talking to my RC priests, my non-RC christian friends, attending workshops, visiting churches, and attending Bible Study group meetings, I got to know God more intimately. This was to be another significant milestone of my Christian pilgrimage. God was no longer just a transcedent being. I was beginning to experience his immanence. I was communicating with him. He became my life foci and compass. I tried as much as I humanly can to obey his precepts. I even thought I was experiencing some inexplicable spiritual phenomenon - perhaps just short of being miraculous. I was like a giant, specially designed 3M sponge. I was soaking up almost everything - including the loads of rubbish you often get in church.
Another milestone. I decided I would do anything and everything I can to "serve" God - not necessary as a full-time Christian worker. But as things would turn out, an opening to serve in a Christian para-church organisation became available. One thing led to another, I was serving as a Christian worker. My limited knowledge in God (theological knowledge) became more apparent. My inability to discern between the truth, the myths and the lies that we being taught over in church and over the pulpit became increasingly frustrating.
One more milestone. I decided to enrol into a theological college so that I could be equipped to read, interpret and understand the Bible in its original script to its original audience and sitz im leben. Perhaps only then I could know what, when and how to apply what the Bible teaches. In some ways, they were luxurious time - to be able to study the Bible and do theology fulltime. One thing was for sure. The more I learn, the less I seem to know. The more I learn, the more questions I have unanswered. The more I learn, the more I realise I did not know. The more I learn, the more apparent how ignorant I was. But don't get me wrong. I am much happier knowing that I know little than to ignorantly think I know much. I became more aware of how childish, ignorant, if not erroneous many of my own teachings or understanding were. But why should understanding God or his teaching be so difficult?!
Anyway, I hopped on - another milestone. I started working with churches. Began taking up more teaching assignments. Did consider very seriously the possibility of pursuing a priesthood career but decided against it. Too many things one would have to do as a Christian priest that I did not subscribe to. Didn't think I would make a competent one too. Could not fully appreciate the need to distinguish between the lay and the clerical professional other than for the sake of church order and administration. Simply a church worker, I was happy to be.
From this point on, my milestones became more and more like bolders of problems and obstacles I had to roll away - some perhaps of my own doing.
To be continued....sorry!, more to add. The entry dates are not accurate. I use them to organise my blog more than to indicate the real date of my thoughts or journal.
BACK TO TOP
As a young child, I used to go regularly to a peranakan service with my Godma (my Dad's elder sister who kinda adopted me). But when my parents decided to become RCs, I joined them too. I was enthusiastic. I attended a special and private catechism class under a very fatherly, warm, pious dutch priest. Eventually, I became baptised and confirmed. I was about 11-12 years old. I did enjoy a very special and at that moment a very real spiritual experience. I found tremendous solace in God. I even starting going to Church on my own - if my parents weren't going. Then, I decided it was time to start learning to contribute and be more involved in church community. Since I love music, I decided I would join a church "choir". There were several in the church. The one I joined was more a singing group than a choir - many of us do not have any music training (theory or otherwise), but they - and so was I ;) - were a very talented bunch nevertheless, young, energetic, rather jazzy. I learned many things from them. I learned how to sing, play the guitar, how to smoke, drink, BGR, party, dance, perform in public, learn what grown-ups do (I was the "baby" of the group amongst the mostly young working members), and other very useful life lessons including RC religiousity or piety. I didn't really learn much more about God but they were fun time.
Towards the middle of my teenage years, I started becoming dissatisfied with my "shallow" spiritual life and state. Going to church was becoming a mundane exercise. I love collecting bibles of all shapes, sizes and versions but I didn't read them. I knew a lot about God, church and all but I didn't know God. Hence, I decided I would give myself a last go at re-discovering God. I wanted to understand and experience true spirituality, not piety. I wanted to be a Christian, not religious person. I wanted to know my creator, not a religion. If I should find out that there is no such being as a God, I would be happy to be an atheist. I didn't I needed any pyschological blanket.
After some soul searching period which included brief (and superficial) attempts at considering other religious beliefs, I decided that Christianity was the most consistent, more "timeless" and least "form-focused". Hence, I embarked on a quest to read, learn and understand the Bible - the Word of God. After about a year and a half of reading, learning, asking questions, talking to my RC priests, my non-RC christian friends, attending workshops, visiting churches, and attending Bible Study group meetings, I got to know God more intimately. This was to be another significant milestone of my Christian pilgrimage. God was no longer just a transcedent being. I was beginning to experience his immanence. I was communicating with him. He became my life foci and compass. I tried as much as I humanly can to obey his precepts. I even thought I was experiencing some inexplicable spiritual phenomenon - perhaps just short of being miraculous. I was like a giant, specially designed 3M sponge. I was soaking up almost everything - including the loads of rubbish you often get in church.
Another milestone. I decided I would do anything and everything I can to "serve" God - not necessary as a full-time Christian worker. But as things would turn out, an opening to serve in a Christian para-church organisation became available. One thing led to another, I was serving as a Christian worker. My limited knowledge in God (theological knowledge) became more apparent. My inability to discern between the truth, the myths and the lies that we being taught over in church and over the pulpit became increasingly frustrating.
One more milestone. I decided to enrol into a theological college so that I could be equipped to read, interpret and understand the Bible in its original script to its original audience and sitz im leben. Perhaps only then I could know what, when and how to apply what the Bible teaches. In some ways, they were luxurious time - to be able to study the Bible and do theology fulltime. One thing was for sure. The more I learn, the less I seem to know. The more I learn, the more questions I have unanswered. The more I learn, the more I realise I did not know. The more I learn, the more apparent how ignorant I was. But don't get me wrong. I am much happier knowing that I know little than to ignorantly think I know much. I became more aware of how childish, ignorant, if not erroneous many of my own teachings or understanding were. But why should understanding God or his teaching be so difficult?!
Anyway, I hopped on - another milestone. I started working with churches. Began taking up more teaching assignments. Did consider very seriously the possibility of pursuing a priesthood career but decided against it. Too many things one would have to do as a Christian priest that I did not subscribe to. Didn't think I would make a competent one too. Could not fully appreciate the need to distinguish between the lay and the clerical professional other than for the sake of church order and administration. Simply a church worker, I was happy to be.
From this point on, my milestones became more and more like bolders of problems and obstacles I had to roll away - some perhaps of my own doing.
To be continued....sorry!, more to add. The entry dates are not accurate. I use them to organise my blog more than to indicate the real date of my thoughts or journal.
BACK TO TOP
Saturday, January 01, 2005
To Blog or Not To Blog?
Why the heck do I want to blog? Why would I want to publicly post my thoughts?
Personally, I genuinely hate drawing unnecessary attention to myself. However, there are some things or issues that I strongly feel not enough (if any) is said or shared. Some of these could be political, social, religious or personal. Hence, anything I've decided to publish here are intended for public reading. I may not be completely right or wrong, but nevertheless, they are my personal and honest (as honest as humanly possible) opinions or thoughts. Your constructive comments are sincerely welcome.
BACK TO TOP
Personally, I genuinely hate drawing unnecessary attention to myself. However, there are some things or issues that I strongly feel not enough (if any) is said or shared. Some of these could be political, social, religious or personal. Hence, anything I've decided to publish here are intended for public reading. I may not be completely right or wrong, but nevertheless, they are my personal and honest (as honest as humanly possible) opinions or thoughts. Your constructive comments are sincerely welcome.
BACK TO TOP
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